That's My Life

2009-11-17T20:27:00.003+08:00

哈哈哈·！今天跑了十圈。我不知道我是发了什么疯可以跑这么多。不过在我跑的时候，不知不觉地失去了那种不知道要怎么解释的感觉。是难过吗? 可是在跑的时候，我突然没有感觉了，就像死了一样。

明天又是八点上课。为什么最后一个学期也要这么折磨我们呢？哈哈。。

我已经不知道自己在说什么了。哈哈。。就是很累，疲倦，好想什么都不做的躺下来睡觉。。永远都不醒。。。

觉得自己好失败。。。自己心里的话都不敢说。。。好恨我自己。。。

2009-11-13T16:46:00.003+08:00

Passed my stage 3 evaluation today.

My parking is still quite a problem.

So depressing...haha..

Played badminton after that.

Never really play but i still perspired a lot.

That place was really hot.

oh ya.. i spoke the most teochew today. =|

and went out the house and came back in for tens and thousands of times..

and...ya. its tiring..

ah ma's parkinson is getting worst.

snatch my keys and say something that happened when she was young.

its so scary sometimes..

maybe she misses the past so much.

2009-11-07T20:39:00.002+08:00

Sister asked me about my blog.

But i don't want to let her know.

Ya. Because of grandma's post.

I tink mom doesn't want to let her know yet.

Everything is not confirmed yet.

I tink she doesnt want to worry her.

But still..

CSB resume and application letter due on tuesday.

I don't know what is due on when other than this.

Die.

I dunno about my driving.

I tink i will fail.

But ya. Try my best.

Blind spot. Turning Point. Clutch control. So many things to improve. Argh.

Tell me if i should hate you.

i like to make myself believe that you did not mean what you say

But how long can i do this.

Will i be able to do it.

.......

2009-11-01T23:20:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is school again.
And i think it sucks.
but it still beats staying at home for days.
Irony isn't it.

8am. 3 hours break. 530pm end. meeting after that. WELL DONE MAN!

i really hate this kinda life.

Few more months.

nunca te rindas!

2009-10-25T22:27:00.002+08:00

my mind is full of uncertainties.
maybe that is one part of life everyone has to go through.
being the indecisive person, i really dun know how much thinking i have to go through to make a decision.
it seem easy. but the amount of thinking is really that much.

sometimes i really think that i am a failure.
i tell myself to change, please change, talk more, interact more.
but all would come to naught.
i told myself to face up to my feeling.
but i still wouldn't do so.
how i wish i got the courage to just say i love you.
but i don't have it.

sometimes i really wish to just leave everything behind and be alone.
sometimes i really wish i didnt know you at all.
sometimes i really hope that i didnt make that foolish choice.
would things be different then?
would i be happier over there?
many things have no answer.
and i would remain at the same spot.
at least for 6 more months.

sometimes i really wish to graduate from polytechnic fast.
so that i can really break off from the part of the past.
the part that i wouldn't want to go through if i had a choice.

First Day of School

2009-10-19T17:58:00.004+08:00

One word to describe, Boring.

Lessons today are just so boring.
Lecturers are boring.
Timetable sucks.
So in total, this last semester in Singapore Polytechnic is totally unimaginable.

Oh ya. Just checked my booking and i realised my TP date is 14.12.2009 not 10.12.2009.
How blur can i get.

Maternal Grandma has a lump in her stomach. Hope she will be fine. Her checkup is on 12.11/2009 and the result will be out on 14/11/2009. Lets pray that the lump is nothing. Can see mummy is worried and i don't know what to say to her. I am such a failure. How i wish my sister is in Singapore. COME BACK NOW!!! =(

Should i let her know? She would be worried in Canada. How how how...

2009-10-17T17:21:00.003+08:00

Finally, One and a half more days to the end of this holiday. No more slacking at home doing nothing for me. No more feeling bored for me. Cause this sem's timetable is just way too cool. haha..

Booked my TP date yesterday. 10 December 2009. Two months away. I hope i can squeeze all my lessons in this two months man. LOL..

Well.. Nothing much to say already. I shall stop blogging now. =)

2009-10-14T19:54:00.002+08:00

What should i do man? What should i do..

I just hope nothing happens now. at least not now.. you know.. i may not be able to handle it properly.

But things are just inevitable. Life is like that you know....

i don't know what i am talking now...

Lets See

2009-10-13T19:51:00.002+08:00

This week is the last week of the boring holidays for me.
What have i done so far? driving lessons and....ya.. only.
i hope i can get a nice date for TP by this week.

Went for the meeting yesterday.
Tell me how to communicate with them please.
Why like that....

=\

2009-10-04T00:49:00.003+08:00

Though things may not be smooth for me yet, but at least i know that there is one person out there whom i can talk to.

Thank you and your the best,girl.

2009-10-03T01:08:00.000+08:00

Has so many things to deal with... suddenly.

Damn it

ARGH!

2009-09-29T18:33:00.003+08:00

只能怪自己太笨了

how i wish time just go faster

sometimes its better to let things go

2009-09-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

我真的不知道我到底在做什么

好累哦。。

2009-09-20T00:17:00.001+08:00

Driving. Sleep. Watch Tv. Play Computer. Eat.

yay=)

hahaha

我爱你

2009-09-19T19:41:00.004+08:00

不知道，
为什么我会担心你的安全？
为什么我每时每刻都在向你在做什么？
为什么我要让你在我脑海里不停的转？
我不知道。

我知道我们真的是不可能。
我也有尝试用时间去把你忘了，但是我就是做不到。
我也知道你很喜欢另外一个人。

我能怎样？
我只能告诉自己我不能爱你。

Back to Blogging

2009-09-09T23:55:00.000+08:00

Blogger is still as screwed as ever. =/ I hate blogging with this messy interface. Whats wrong? my browser?

Celebrated Grandma's birthday on Sunday with lots of miscommunication
But still everything went well in the end.
Happy Birthday~
After that went to meet up with secondary school classmates.
Chatted with them for one or two hours.
=)

Went to the gym today with Chaiwei and Wendy.
I don't think i did much but still my left hand feels sore.
I bet it will feel worst tmr.
Weak.... lol.

Anyway, nothing much to blog. my life is boring.........

2009-08-22T20:34:00.001+08:00

Sem 1 of year 3 will end in less than two weeks time. Its a good thing though. I don't have to pretend anymore. When time comes for sem 2, everything will be forgotten. Everything will start anew. At least, that is what i tell myself.

Haven't been doing anything constructive since the final demo of FYP. I don't deserve to rest until exams are over. But what am i doing? I feel that i am simply letting go of my studies. i just can't bring myself to study like the last few years. I was just thinking about relaxing, relaxing and nothing more than relaxing for the whole of the semester.

What is happening to me?

I felt lost. I seriously need to have a good laugh. I need to bring myself to smile like before. I need to do something to myself. I NEED TO WAKE UP.

But all these are just words. What i need to do will not be done somehow.

Laugh Out Loud.

And

2009-08-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

And somehow, i feel that i don't recognize you anymore. I cannot understand your actions. I never did.

2009-08-02T22:35:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time that i have written on this forgotten blog of mine.

Nothing much happened during this period of time. Or should i say, nothing worth being happy about happened.

you left us on this very day.
you left us with memories of the period when everyone were young.
you left us with the smile of yours that influenced everyone.
you are the best playmate, companion, friend to us.
rip.

.....

Time

2009-07-25T20:14:00.000+08:00

I seriously got no idea whether the assignments are due one week later, two weeks later or three weeks later. I have been waiting waiting and waiting for things to happen. I haven't been doing other assignments other than Final year project. Touching here and there sometimes but not even for a minute on each of them.

I seriously hope that we can submit all the assignments on time. If not for... i wouldn't even have to hope for this.

Time management...

Birthday

2009-07-12T22:03:00.005+08:00

Celebrated my Birthday with family yesterday. =)

Started off with the cake cutting session at home. Then went to Pariss International Seafood Buffet at Marina Square with sister and cousins. The food was nice, especially the oyster which is damn popular that when it comes out in the tray, it will be gone in less than a minute.

After eating, wanted to watch a movie but there was not any good timing. So we decided to go for a cheap cheap KTV at Peace Center, Selegie Road. The variety of songs and the comfortable seats were great. (except that for guys we have to wear their long pants if we went there without one)

Had an enjoyable night with them. Thank you Cousins and my dearest sister. More photos will be uploaded once i get them from my cousin.

2009-07-05T01:12:00.003+08:00

Basically did not do anything constructive this weekend. lying on the bed, looking at the computer screen, watching tv, playing some lame games on facebook, staring at the ceiling, looking out of the window.

Sometimes i realise that time really can change many of our thinkings, our way of doing things. for example, in the past when people see mosquitos, they wouldn't think of it as anything that may harm them. But now, you start to think whether they are dangerous, whether they may carry viruses that may endanger your lifes. Funny isn't it?

Speaking of mosquitos, i have been feeding the one in my room for a very long time. It must be living a good life. haha..

i was hoping to hear something different from you after that talk on that day, something that can make me realise that you are no longer what i think you are, something that can make me understand you are still the one i knew years ago. But i did not.

Although i got lots and lots of unwillingness in me, i guess its just time to accept the fact that we won't be like before anymore. its time to let go and stop thinking of the impossible. because i knew i won't be able to forgive you for what you did. you may feel hurt. you may think i am harsh. but that is what may help you.

2009-07-01T00:14:00.002+08:00

The three hours talk was long, but i hope you understood how i felt. Whatever i said was what i truly felt about you. I hope you could really change. Not for others, not for me, but for yourself. Do yourself a favour by loving yourself more.

Its a chance to make it up to yourself for what was loss. i hope you could really see what you want for yourself. And take this chance as a time to make up the time that you should have for yourself. Don't shed your tears for nothing.

Enough said. Wish you all the best.

Action speaks louder than words

2009-06-27T00:11:00.003+08:00

i realised what i always do, is just to speak. actions never come realising themselves whenever i say i will do it. and suddenly i felt so useless, i felt that i was just standing on the same spot be for the 19 years-to-be of my life. i never realised any thing i said.

it takes two hands to clap, and i will always be the one that never reach out the hand. i am always the selfish one that does things the way i like.

2009-06-08T02:42:00.002+08:00

Someone pointed out to me that my smiles are lesser these days, and that i may not seem to be as happy as before. Maybe that is true. I don't know.

Maybe my smiles are really going away gradually. Maybe the things around me set me thinking that i should not smile that much. Maybe the things caused me to realised how foolish i was last time. And maybe thats the reason why i get angry so easily. And i swear, the feeling of being angry is not good.

I don't know when tolerance has become a part of my life. i have been tolerating things for the past years and i realised this has become a bad habit. i realised i tolerate almost every single shit that happens to me. i think i am stupid to be like this. but what can i do?

Maybe i should start thinking whether i should change. Maybe i should start thinking whether i am still the person i think i am. Maybe i should start looking at the path i am walking.

and maybe before i change, i should really go for a lesson on how to quarrel with people.

2009-06-08T00:41:00.003+08:00

i have been really very lazy to blog.
for no reason, everytime i come here, my mind would be blank.

FYP presentation last week. Don't want to talk about it.

I WANT FYP TO FINISH SOON!

I hate fyp. Nobody loves it anyway..

2009-05-30T00:01:00.003+08:00

hmm.. been busy with final year projects and other projects. maybe not to the extend of busy but still, it keeps me occupied all of the time.

monday would be the end of phase 1 and our presentation to the client. first time presenting to a real client. even today at the 'rehearsal', i felt a little nervous, not to say the real thing. =\

good luck to my group.

2009-05-24T16:23:00.002+08:00

Friday

Attended Cousin's wedding dinner at Marina Mandarin, the same hotel where Secondary Sch's Prom Night was held and the same Ballroom. Brought back memories of that night.

Saturday

Helped at the market.

Sunday

Rotted at home. Did some activity diagrams for FYP and some other things.

-------------------------------------

Sometimes, i don't even know what is the meaning of some things that you do. You won't let me ask, you won't let me find out. You would just let me be and think out of the way and then pull me back with some sort of reasons that i don't know if its right. Maybe that is how you keep me away from you? Maybe this is how you want me to know how this works?

i am tired from guessing. i am tired from trying to understand what you are trying to tell me.

Tired

2009-05-21T21:44:00.002+08:00

有时候，很想放弃。。。可以吗？

Wasn't feeling good this whole week. i don't know why. the feeling is back again. i hate it. i just want to give up everything.

I have never felt so lost before. i suddenly lost my focus in life. i don't know what i want. everything seems so blur to me. tell me what i should do.

2009-05-18T00:27:00.002+08:00

if you think losing a friend is nothing, then shut up. nobody ever asked you to say anything about it. because you have never lose anyone that is close to you forever, you have no rights to say anything about someone crying his/her hearts out after someone left.

Went to make my specs and had a haircut at yew tee. something scary happened and i am still thinking whether to go back there next time.

Also cycled with Joshua and went jogging at night after that. I wonder how long i am able to keep this going.

Assignments are still not done yet. Still working on ESSP. ADBMS Assignment still has two more parts to go. FYP... i dunno.

2009-05-12T22:30:00.002+08:00

Sometimes jogging helps to clear your mind and helps you feel refreshed after sweating it out.

9am class tomorrow sucks.

i just hope everything ends soon

2009-05-11T22:40:00.004+08:00

"Postponed" Mother's Day to today. Had lunch at Yew Tee Point's Xing Wang HK cafe. Food was alright but i think from the expression both my Dad and Mum don't like it. Have to try harder next time.

Then went back to school for ADBMS which i regretted doing so. haha..

3 more weeks to Week 7. End of Phase 1. Or is it Week 6? hmm..

-

2009-05-10T20:04:00.002+08:00

Happy Mother's Day!

i don't know what to do. i don't know what to write. i don't know what i have to do. i don't know what i have to write. i don't know what i have to say. i don't know anything.